My first STD was from a foam party
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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