If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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