Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
