I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
