Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
