The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he shaved USA in his pubs
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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