we have pet lesbian snakes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There r osticjed everywhere
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
