i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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