I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
