You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
