I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
