i think my tv is drunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
