I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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