You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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