if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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