I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
