I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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