I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
