looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
