Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
