Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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