The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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