I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
