so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
