apparently the secret to your success is patron
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
