YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He better not be in your backpack
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
