he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
