so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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