i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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