Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
