you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
