hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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