I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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