well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
