Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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