The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love you.
Bad choice
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