I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
