He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
