As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't turn off my feet"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
