So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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