This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
