Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
