Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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