I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
