Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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