I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
