can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Send help, water and tortillas.
40s are totally the cure
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
