I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
