that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
