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I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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