He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
