She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
