This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
