The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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