I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
