i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
