I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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