my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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