it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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