This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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