just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
