The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
