I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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